I apologize for the lateness of this review and the others that are supposed to run. Nothing would make everyone happier at Zeminican Productions than if we could put up reviews every week, but sometimes life catches up to us. Anyway...
I got a new movie review and guess what? It’s not animated, yay! Thing is,this movie doesn’t make me go yay, it’s kind of depressing. If I wanted to see a sad Napoleon Dynamite, I’d turn to the 1993 film “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.” Note the title sounds like a question, but it’s really a sentence. That makes no sense.
The movie goes through the life of Gilbert (played by Johnny Depp) whose life sucks ass, and the movie doesn’t hesitate to remind me of this. Gilbert is the caretaker of his family, which includes his morbidly obese mother (we’ll get to her), his two sisters (one older, one younger, both bitches) and the autistic Arnie, his younger brother (played by Leonardo DiCaprio). He also has an older brother and a father, but the brother ran away and his father hanged himself, good times.
The death of Gilbert’s father is the reason why his mother is obese and since the family lives in small-town Iowa, everyone is fascinated with her fat ass. Little kids pay Gilbert and agree to play with Arnie just to peep through the window at that whale of a woman. She has not left the house in seven years and all she does is eat. She complains a lot too, cause she’s fat.
I’m not sure what to make of autistic Leo DiCaprio, every time I see him act… retarded, I think of Robert Downy Jr. in “Tropic Thunder” making that line about “going full retard.” DiCaprio GOES full retard. He’s got the autistic mannerisms down pat. His shtick gets annoying at times, but I have to admit, it’s some quality acting. 
So this movie shows various scenarios that depict how depressing Gilbert’s life is. Example, the only way he can amuse himself in town is to try to bang this married lady whose twice his age, this sounds nice except he gets cock-blocked by the lady’s husband. It’s a sad day when Johnny Depp can’t get laid. His sisters also bitch him out for no reason and force him to bathe Arnie. He is too polite to say something his mother about being fat and has to hide the fact that he is reinforcing the floors of the house so she doesn’t break the foundation by moving (their house is shitty). Arnie does dumb shit to make life difficult for Gilbert by making loud noises and climbing the water tower (which everyone finds to be very entertaining).
So the monotony is broken up by meeting Becky, a travelling trailer chick who gives Gilbert the idea that maybe he should leave town (yeah, they fall in love too, who da thunk it). Whether or not he does this, I won’t say. This movie barely crosses the threshold where it’s watchable enough where I’m not going to reveal the ending.
Final Score: 6/10
This is basically sad Napoleon Dynamite. It isn’t bad, it doesn’t bring anything that makes it great either. It’s a solid Depp film and DiCaprio is a very convincing retard. I didn’t like how the movie ended either, there was a certain scene where I thought that should have been the end, but the movie went on. It’s mediocre at best.
-Brian
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