The prospect of reviewing this game gave me a sort of Christmas-like anticipatory feeling. Except on THIS Christmas morning, rather than being greeted by a boatload of presents, I fully expected to be greeted by a dirty man wearing red taking a shit in my mouth. For this reason, it took me much longer than planned to work up the courage to even load up this game. As it turns out, however, critics who hail this game as "the absolute worst of all time" and my childhood nightmares might not be completely accurate after all.
Quest 64 opens in mid conversation between a character who is presumably to be user-controlled and some sort of authority figure, quite possibly the king of Shit Village. In any event, no background is given and you are informed that you've been insisting to go out and save your father, despite being a child (Your character appears to be about 6 years old. No exaggeration). Your character is named Brian, which makes no sense considering that the dialogue in the game is completely text-based and a new name could be chosen without any consequence. Regardless, the King tells you to go to some village with an exceedingly long name and speak with the king of said village. It sounds easy enough, but it ends up being close to impossible.
After traveling down hundreds of staircases in the castle and arriving at the bottom, you step out into the world. Its shouldn't be to hard to find Ononomonoghtville, right? Well if it weren't for the notable absence of any map, it might not be such an ordeal. As it is, however, the only navigation tool you possess is a crude compass in the upper right-hand corner. Its small size basically renders it useless in any practical situation. And since no directional advice was given concerning your destination town, it has no use whatsoever. At this point I saw a road, chose a direction, and hoped for the best.
It was on this road that I had my first taste of battle. The battle system of this game is actually pretty unique, all things considered. You and each of your opponents have a certain radius where movement is allowed. You have four different elemental attacks at your disposal, and each one requires a different range for maximum effectiveness, creating a need for a little strategic planning. The problem, however, is that you enter into a random encounter every three or four steps. This eventually becomes VERY tedious, and I found myself cursing Brian's lack of monster dodging skill. I couldn't figure out to heal aside from the healing spell that you eventually unlock, and this led to a few premature deaths.
To be honest, I actually didn't get very far in this game, when playing it as a child or presently. This is mostly because the first boss is apparently unbeatable. At the very least I was unable to beat him, save for the time that I used Game Shark enhancement. The boss is some sort of bandit that you're supposed to bring to justice in order to proceed to the next town. I'm not entirely sure, as the premise is pretty weak, and depth of story isn't exactly this game's strong suit. Either way, I got a pretty good feel for all major aspects of the game, and I feel qualified to grade it based on that alone. I never claimed that these reviews were particularly in-depth, and playing the games for only a short time is the only way I can possibly make it through my entire collection in a timely manner. Also, combining these contemporary impressions with childhood memories makes for some interesting scores.FINAL SCORE: 5/10
Instead of a mouthful of shit, Santa gave me a nice little gaming diversion.
This game doesn't do anything particularly well, but it doesn't do anything exceedingly poorly either. Therefore it is decidedly average. Quest 64 tries to be more than what it is, namely an epic adventure. And while there is nothing epic about this game, it does provide some fleeting entertainment. Oh, the music actually isn't half bad either, just a little repetitive. I don't recommended this game for those looking to be entertained, and rather those who like to say that they "survived" things. You know who you are.
-Joe
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