I was pleasantly surprised when this game was pulled from my N64 tote bag. Not only had it been on my mind ever since I decided to write these reviews, but i figured that it would make for a quick and easy write-up. I definitely wasn't wrong in assuming this. Now that doesn't necessarily reflect negatively on the quality of the title. Some action and platformer titles just make for a quick play. As far as quality is concerned, my expectations were fairly mixed. The only Donald Duck type game that I remembered playing previously was Duck Tales on the NES. That was a winner, so i decided to keep an open mind.
The first thing about this title that surprised me was the instant presence of voice acting. I know that this wasn't unheard of in the N64's heyday, but it would certainly be fair to categorize it as uncommon. As an added bonus, it didn't sound garbled and ridiculous, something all of us have occasionally experienced with more advanced consoles. Now, just because the voice actors could be heard fairly clearly (as clearly as "duck-speak" is able to be audibly rendered) doesn't mean that their words had any substance behind them. I honestly didn't really even catch what the conflict of this game was. As far as I can tell, some evil duck wizard has allegedly stolen hundreds of teddy bears, and Donald can't go home until he travels the world and collects them all. If this sounds ridiculous, thats most likely because it is. I didn't, however, expect this game to have a deep and engaging plot, so lets call it a wash.
Donald Duck: Goin' "Quackers" consists of four worlds, each containing four levels and a boss. I played through the first world in its entirety, and that gave me more than an adequate understanding of how this game works. The levels are pretty much split evenly between side-scrolling action and linear forward third-person. This gives things a nice mix, and I found myself at least partially enjoying both types.
The objectives of each level are both simple and identical: find three teddy bears and once boss piece. Th boss piece looks like a golden pizza slice, and you need to locate all four (one in each level) before you can access the boss. In other words, you can't just blindly make your way through the level, because simply beating it will get you nothing if you don't find that piece. The teddy bears, on the other hand, are optional. I think. Its actually very difficult to tell what purpose those stuffed little mother fucks actually serve. After I had beaten the world one boss, I went back and collected all of the stupid bears. What I got for my trouble was a bonus level where the objective is to run towards the screen while an actual live bear chases you. And when you successfully conquer this level, a reward consisting of absolutely nothing is all that you receive. So I decided that the bears are useless, despite the fact that I thought the premise of the game was to collect them. Apparently I was wrong. Either way its entirely frustrating.
Now that we've covered the overview, there are a few specific mechanics that i would like to touch upon. Firstly, the HP system. The only indication you have of your proximity to certain death is an archaic face-reading system. It goes something like this: happy face, sad face, death. I kid you not. In the upper-right hand corner of the screen (you can clearly see it in the above screen shot) is Donald Duck's face. When he is smiling, you have two hits remaining. When he looks upset, you have but one hit remaining. After the second hit, you die. Its as simple as that. Well, as simple as a ridiculous face HP meter is likely to be. It wouldn't have been as bad if I had known of this little quirk from the start. But alas, I learned the hard way, as I'm sure did every other patron of this game (I imagine 10-year-olds crying in frustration).
One last qualm I have with this title is the presence of partial invincibility. Much like in popular titles such as Super Mario Brothers, certain items can be encountered on-screen that will render Donald invincible. In the case of this game, that invincibility-inducing item is a cupcake. Upon consuming the cupcake, Donald strikes a few poses and begins to swing his arms wildly in front of him, destroying every enemy in his path. Simple enough, right. Right, that is until I was jaunting merrily along, enjoying my alleged invincibility, when I hit a bush and died. That's right, I was killed by a bush that was barely even visible over the background of the level. So I guess even total vulnerability has its limits. Aside from that, however, the mechanics are actually pretty solid. Punching or jumping on an enemy causes them to disappear in a cloud of smoke, and Donald continues merrily on his way.
The first boss (pictured above) really couldn't have been that much easier to beat. You punch some new born chickens in the face, jump on a big fat chicken, and repeat the process two more times. Piece of cake.
All in all, Goin' Quackers actually isn't that bad of a game. While a tad frustrating, its also fun, entertaining, and brings out your inner child. Now if this were the year 2000, I definitely wouldn't recommend dropping 50 bucks on it. But I'm sure that these days you could pick it up for fairly cheap, and I kept that in mind while calculating the score.
FINAL SCORE: 6.75/10
-Joe
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